Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Andy might as well be a Texan. But instead, Andy thinks that everything is bigger and better in Oklahoma, especially newspapers and television stations. And he thinks that Kansas newscasts should devote equal time to Oklahoma news as they do to Kansas news. So for example, they should report equally enthusiastically about OU and OSU as they do KSU, KU and WSU. OK, yeah that will happen just as soon as the Daily Oklahoman starts running the Power Cat on their front page. OK.
So after he rants on and on about that for about the millionth time, he starts to complain about news in general.
He said, "There is nothing but horrible stuff on the news these days anyway. That's why I never let the boys watch the news. Heck I used to enjoy getting dressed in the mornings and sitting and watching the news but now the news is nothing but sodomy, murder, rape and WEATHER!
I nearly died laughing! Like weather is just as evil and innappropriate for kids to watch as stories about murder, rape and sodomy! And the funniest thing was how he emphasized weather. Like it was the star of the show in the show of evilest current events.
He didn't think I was funny at all. And he didn't like me laughing at him, but goodness who wouldn't? Too funny!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Pepperidge Farm 15 Grain bread is awesome! It's chocked full of all kinds of grains and seeds like oatmeal, sesame seed, flax seed, sunflower seed, whole wheat etc. Even my super picky little boy in a grown boy body husband loves this bread!
Physician's Formula "Vegas Strip" Shimmer Strips. Love this! It's a blush/bronzer/eye shadow all in one. All of the strips can basically be used anywhere on your face, cheek bones, brow, forehead, wherever. How fun. A little glam or a lotta glam. You decide!
Cornflake Potato Casserole. Who doesn't love this stuff? Cream cheese, cheddar cheese, onions and potatoes topped with crunchy toasted cornflakes...a covered dish dinner wouldn't be a dinner without this casserole. The funny thing is that I never make it. Maybe that's because I would eat the WHOLE pan myself! Don't think I'm not kidding. Anyhoo, the caterer brought that casserole today and so my tummy is so happy. And I'm still fantasizing about going back down there again to have some more later. Love that stuff!
It's amazing how structured life must be in order to keep a household running smoothly when you have school aged kids and they are in sports. Last week Andy and I learned that we need that structure too, or at least that we've grown really accustomed to that structure. Without the kids at home, we lived a much lazier existance which was nice, but on the other hand, I felt like our entire life was chaotic and just completely turned upside down without our comfortable routine. When I would wake up at 6:00 ready to get in the shower each day, I could not get in the shower because Andy was in the shower. He's normally out by then but because the boys were gone, we slept later. So because he started later, I had to wait until later to get started which meant that instead of getting to work 30 minutes early, I was only 10 minutes early last week and that bothered me.
When we got to Freedom I was so ready to see the boys and envisioned this sweet little reunion where my boys were so glad to see their Mama and we hugged and laughed and I kissed them like 10,000 times. Well my reunion with Wyatt was as I had imagined, but Cole was having so much fun playing with one of his new cousins on their trampoline that he hardly even acknowledged our existance! I was crushed! Andy practically had to make him come over and see us. I was absolutely heartbroken. Usually he's my little lovey snuggle bunny. But Saturday he was a big boy on a mission and had no time for his Mama.
On one hand I am glad that this week away was fun filled for them and not traumatic in any way, but on the other hand I guess part of me wanted him to need me a little more. I know they need us. In some ways they maybe even need us more now than they did when they were little. We've done a good job of creating two little boys with great self esteem and the strength to be independent. I have also realized that overnight they have grown up in my eyes. I guess I am coming to terms with the fact that they are going to need me less and less as the days go by. They will always need me, but I think in time, they will need me to be in the background waiting for them to have an acute need. And that's hard. I wish I could keep them small forever. I miss our Saturday and Sunday afternoon naps. It felt so good to snuggle up to them and take a nice little nap next to their sweet little sleeping faces. And those days are gone. Sometimes I still ask little Cole if he will PLEEEEZE take a nap with Mama. He always tells me, "Mom, I don't take naps anymore!"
So this week we are back to homework, soccer practice, supper, showers and bed. But this week I think I will be just a little more appreciative of the controlled chaos that is our life.
Monday, March 16, 2009
We could get this home and acreage for much less than it't worth and the selling price would be below what we set as our upper limit. But there is always the chance that the taxes and the insurance would make this home be a little out of our range once they were added onto the montly payment. Unfortunately the taxes are high. The location and square footage took care of that. So we will see. I think this is one of those "this is the one" properties.
I have done nothing but daydream about all the possibilities with that home. And so has Andy. This is the first property that we have both even been close to agreeing on and we were in complete agreement. It's so fun to think about the colors of paint I would choose and flooring and all the fun stuff about having a house that needs work. You get to choose what you want. Right now fantasizing about more bedrooms is pretty cool too!
The boys went to their Grandparents in Freedom yesterday (Andy's parents). They've never been gone like this before and I am not dealing with it really well. Last night was pretty tough. Today I got excited about hearing their voices after they got home from school and then realized that I was not going to see them after school like normal. But I am looking forward to Mama and Daddy time and that's good. We need a little time to ourselves.
Tommorow night I'm having dinner with friends at Nieves' in Winfield and then not sure what else is in store for the week.
Life is good right now though. I'm really excited and hopeful and truly feel like we are really starting to get to the good stuff!
Friday, March 13, 2009
I've never been away from my babies that long and to be honest do not want to start now! I love my boys and don't want to be without them even for a week. It was just us for so long and I think maybe that makes this harder. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I think they are not going to be fine or something. I know they will be fine. It's just I'm worried. I know Wyatt will be fine. He is so thrilled about getting to spend a week with his Grandpa Rob. He thinks that he is going to get to fish EVERYDAY! While I imagine he'll get to do a lot of fishing, I don't think it will be every day. Cole on the other hand is not so pumped about going. I think he wants to go, but I think he would be content to be there for a day and then come home. He's never stayed with anyone but my parents or my sister. So I think Mama and Cole are a little shell shocked about this whole thing.
Andy is right though. They need to go. He wants his parents to bond with their Grandkids. And that is important. But that doesn't meant that it's not going to be hard. Andy is looking forward to a week of just us and I think that will be nice. A week of no responsibilities beyond work. But it's going to be really quiet.
I pray that all goes well!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Sometimes dreaming is pretty fun, even when you know it probably won't come true. But then again, sometimes life has a funny way of surprising us...
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
And to make things worse it seems that EVERYONE is pregnant lately! (not that I'm not happy for my friends...a little jealous maybe, but still thrilled for them) And of course the whole pressure of this house hunting thing is because of the baby...or the lack thereof. We have to have a bigger house or there will be no baby. But we don't want to buy just any old house and then pay on it for the next 15 years of our life.
My pregnancy wasn't really all that easy with Cole and I have battled low blood sugar since, especially in the past year. So my health combined with my age have convinced me to decide that if we are going to have another child, we will have to get it done before I turn 35. And I'm 32. So I have tried to make peace with the reality that if we don't find and house and don't get pregnant in the next year and a half there probably won't be a baby. I just can't see sacrificing my health for the sake of having another child when we already have two wonderful boys.
It's sad to think though that another baby just might not be in the cards for our family. It makes me sad for Andy. And it scares me. I of course worry that if I can't have his baby that he will eventually find someone who will have his baby. He says not to worry about that, but I can't help but worry about that sometimes. I know how powerful the need to have a child is. I can only pray that if we are faced with that reality, that we can both learn to accept it and find peace with the family that we have.
I have thought for so long that Andy was both mine and the boys' answered prayer. Perhaps having a baby of his own is not in God's plan for Andy. I'm a worrier. That's what I do. I analyze things from every angle. I guess that's what makes me good at what I do because I can anticipate problems and prepare for them ahead of time or prevent problems ahead of time. But other times it really sucks. I wish I was more carefree and laid-back. Worry free or even flighty.
But I'm not.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I am getting really sick of this and we are no where near finding what we want. I was so excited yesterday because I thought we finally found something that I would really say yes to. This house was really exactly where Andy wants to be and was fine with me too. The price was within our range and was on 10 acres which would give us some breathing room. We called the realtor to set up a time to see it Wednesday but decided to drive by and look last night. Well the house seems nice on the outside. The barn is great. It has a Morton shop and some other outbuildings, pine trees in the yard, nice huge yard etc. But there is a house next door that is close enough to throw a rock at. So here we find a house that could be "the one" and we have a neighbor immediately next door. And that is so not really what we want. And there is only one bathroom. Of course we could add on, but this house is priced in a range that we should not have to add on to have what we need.
So I told Andy last night that we really need to make a list of the things that are a "must have". And then we need to make a list of deal breakers and a list of things we would like to have but are not deal breakers if they aren't there. My husband thinks I am such a nerd. He makes fun of my lists. I am so analytical. He's the complete opposite. So we didn't make a list. So I'll just make a list myself.
I keep telling myself that if we keep looking we will find something that we wouldn't feel like we were settling for. Is it really that hard to find a 4 bedroom, 2 (preferrably) 3 bath home with a basement on at least 10 acres with no in your face next door neighbor?
If we don't find a bigger house there will be no baby.
Monday, March 9, 2009
I've realized that the older I get, the more I like making things with my hands. Cooking, gardening, jewelry, baskets, refinishing things, photography... I just like turning nothing into something. I've never really thought of myself as creative or artistic, but I suppose some of those things are art in their own little way.
I like the thought of making baskets though. I like the thought of making something that might be kept for years and years. I like the thought of my kids having a beautiful basket in their home that they can tell their kids, "Grandma made that."
Some days I think I make a better old lady than I do a young mother. I think I'll quit my job and grow a huge garden of vegetables, a yard full of flowers and spend the rest of my days taking pictures, making jewelry, weaving baskets and sleeping late.
OK, I know. But it's nice to dream...
Friday, March 6, 2009
Just need something different. I bought an MP3 album of Lightnin' Hopkins. Wanted something bluesy, but more a bluesy rock or a bluesy country or bluesy bluegrass or shoot, even bluesy praise music. That's the kind of music that I love. But instead I bought hard core blues. I also bought the Steeldrivers and I really like a song on there called "The Sticks that Made Thunder". I think that's a song about the Indians and the invasion of the white man. You have to listen to figure that out though. Pretty song. But I'm not in love with the album yet. So maybe something will just hit me soon.
Otherwise I'm going to be listening to really odd stations on Satellite Radio and hope I come up with something soon. Music is such a HUGE part of my life and I really hate being in a musical rut.
The alternative is cutting my hair.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
So he says, "It's ALWAYS light out when they get on the bus!" I was this close to hitting him. OK, possibly the fact that it's getting lighter earlier has escaped me. But I know for a fact that not too long ago it was frickin dark when the boys were gettting on the bus. I remember watching down the road for headlights to know if the bus was coming. But he says it's ALWAYS light when the bus comes. Like I just am imagining that the pictures that I took on the first day of school were in the dark! And that for months they've waited for the bus in the dark! So I'm pretty sure I'm not nuts...at least about the bus. He does stuff like that all the time. I tell him something and he completely ignores me. Then later he acts like I am 100% insane when I suggest that I already told him something.
Last night was one of those nights. At the PTA meeting something was mentioned about permission slips for a trip to Exploration Place. They were supposed to be in Monday. I haven't seen any permission slips, but then Andy most days helps the boys get started with homework. Wyatt says he gave the slip to Andy. So I call home and ask him on my way home. I figure that if I don't call when I am thinking of it, I'll forget. (Because I'm nuts remember?) So he says, he has the slip. Put it on the counter. Have to send $6. So I get home and read it and though it's kind of confusing, it seems to me that the $6 is only for parents who want to go too. So I say, "Honey, the way I read this, we don't have to send a check unless we are planning on going. The kids are free I guess." Not 5 minutes later he said, "So did you write a check for the field trip?" And I'm the crazy one? And I'm thinking, "Oh I'm sorry, I don't think we've met...nice to meet you! You should meet my husband...I think you two would really hit it off!"
So back to my commune with my emotions. I logged onto a business associate's cancer website and have once again gotten myself a little emotional today. He has been diagnosed with oropharynx cancer. The tumor is on the back of his tongue basically, but is really dangerous because of the close promimity to the lymph nodes and brain. He has been at Loma Linda in California and has completed 28 radiation treatments and has now lost his taste buds and saliva glands. And at this point I'm not sure what the odds are that the cancer has been cured. They have to wait until after Easter and then have a PET scan to see if the cancer has responded to treatment. They have one child who is in her early teens.
I began thinking that even when I am having a day (like today) when I can scarcely look at anyone and think negative thoughts, I am lucky to be healthy. And lucky that my children and husband are healthy. Some families are contemplating how they might go on without a loved one in their life and I am frustrated with my husband because he is constantly exaggerating and ignoring me. It could be so much worse.
Tonight I probably still won't like him. But I'll still watch him sleep. And like him better that way. And thank God that I have him and that he loves me despite my crazy hormone overload. And in a few days it will be all better.
Now if I could just get him to stop moving my things....
Maybe it's just cabin fever from all these cold months more or less stuck in the house. Life will be better when it's warmer. And when I don't have soccer practice three nights a week. I did find that there is a sidewalk around the block where Wyatt is practicing so at least I can get some excercise while he's practicing. Walking in circles getting nowhere...