Controlled Chaos

After a long week of missing my boys, we drove to Freedom Saturday morning to get them. Last week was a really rough week filled with some really stressful, emotional events. Between the stresses of work and trying to adjust temporarily to life without children, I was just about spent.

It's amazing how structured life must be in order to keep a household running smoothly when you have school aged kids and they are in sports. Last week Andy and I learned that we need that structure too, or at least that we've grown really accustomed to that structure. Without the kids at home, we lived a much lazier existance which was nice, but on the other hand, I felt like our entire life was chaotic and just completely turned upside down without our comfortable routine. When I would wake up at 6:00 ready to get in the shower each day, I could not get in the shower because Andy was in the shower. He's normally out by then but because the boys were gone, we slept later. So because he started later, I had to wait until later to get started which meant that instead of getting to work 30 minutes early, I was only 10 minutes early last week and that bothered me.

When we got to Freedom I was so ready to see the boys and envisioned this sweet little reunion where my boys were so glad to see their Mama and we hugged and laughed and I kissed them like 10,000 times. Well my reunion with Wyatt was as I had imagined, but Cole was having so much fun playing with one of his new cousins on their trampoline that he hardly even acknowledged our existance! I was crushed! Andy practically had to make him come over and see us. I was absolutely heartbroken. Usually he's my little lovey snuggle bunny. But Saturday he was a big boy on a mission and had no time for his Mama.

On one hand I am glad that this week away was fun filled for them and not traumatic in any way, but on the other hand I guess part of me wanted him to need me a little more. I know they need us. In some ways they maybe even need us more now than they did when they were little. We've done a good job of creating two little boys with great self esteem and the strength to be independent. I have also realized that overnight they have grown up in my eyes. I guess I am coming to terms with the fact that they are going to need me less and less as the days go by. They will always need me, but I think in time, they will need me to be in the background waiting for them to have an acute need. And that's hard. I wish I could keep them small forever. I miss our Saturday and Sunday afternoon naps. It felt so good to snuggle up to them and take a nice little nap next to their sweet little sleeping faces. And those days are gone. Sometimes I still ask little Cole if he will PLEEEEZE take a nap with Mama. He always tells me, "Mom, I don't take naps anymore!"

So this week we are back to homework, soccer practice, supper, showers and bed. But this week I think I will be just a little more appreciative of the controlled chaos that is our life.