It's ALWAYS light outside at 6:30 a.m.......DUH!

OK so I figured out why I am so blah today. It's that time of the month when I get in touch with my emotions. A little too in tune with them. Today is the day that I get teary when I look at babies. Nothing my husband says today will make any sense and I will be really irritated with him. This morning I was ready to rip his head off. I looked out the window and at 6:30 it was mostly light. It seems like just a week or so ago, it was still dark at 6:30. So I said, "Wow, I can't believe it's light outside and the boys are getting on the bus!"

So he says, "It's ALWAYS light out when they get on the bus!" I was this close to hitting him. OK, possibly the fact that it's getting lighter earlier has escaped me. But I know for a fact that not too long ago it was frickin dark when the boys were gettting on the bus. I remember watching down the road for headlights to know if the bus was coming. But he says it's ALWAYS light when the bus comes. Like I just am imagining that the pictures that I took on the first day of school were in the dark! And that for months they've waited for the bus in the dark! So I'm pretty sure I'm not nuts...at least about the bus. He does stuff like that all the time. I tell him something and he completely ignores me. Then later he acts like I am 100% insane when I suggest that I already told him something.

Last night was one of those nights. At the PTA meeting something was mentioned about permission slips for a trip to Exploration Place. They were supposed to be in Monday. I haven't seen any permission slips, but then Andy most days helps the boys get started with homework. Wyatt says he gave the slip to Andy. So I call home and ask him on my way home. I figure that if I don't call when I am thinking of it, I'll forget. (Because I'm nuts remember?) So he says, he has the slip. Put it on the counter. Have to send $6. So I get home and read it and though it's kind of confusing, it seems to me that the $6 is only for parents who want to go too. So I say, "Honey, the way I read this, we don't have to send a check unless we are planning on going. The kids are free I guess." Not 5 minutes later he said, "So did you write a check for the field trip?" And I'm the crazy one? And I'm thinking, "Oh I'm sorry, I don't think we've met...nice to meet you! You should meet my husband...I think you two would really hit it off!"

So back to my commune with my emotions. I logged onto a business associate's cancer website and have once again gotten myself a little emotional today. He has been diagnosed with oropharynx cancer. The tumor is on the back of his tongue basically, but is really dangerous because of the close promimity to the lymph nodes and brain. He has been at Loma Linda in California and has completed 28 radiation treatments and has now lost his taste buds and saliva glands. And at this point I'm not sure what the odds are that the cancer has been cured. They have to wait until after Easter and then have a PET scan to see if the cancer has responded to treatment. They have one child who is in her early teens.

I began thinking that even when I am having a day (like today) when I can scarcely look at anyone and think negative thoughts, I am lucky to be healthy. And lucky that my children and husband are healthy. Some families are contemplating how they might go on without a loved one in their life and I am frustrated with my husband because he is constantly exaggerating and ignoring me. It could be so much worse.

Tonight I probably still won't like him. But I'll still watch him sleep. And like him better that way. And thank God that I have him and that he loves me despite my crazy hormone overload. And in a few days it will be all better.

Now if I could just get him to stop moving my things....