"Cha cha cha..Charmin!"

Ever wonder what the difference between boys and girls is? Well I was reading a blog that another local Mom writes and it became very clear that there is in fact a huge difference between raising boys and girls. Two completely different worlds.

So Saturday morning after a disastrous Valentine's Day start (everything I tried to do to create a romantic wonderful day just exploded) my husband told me that his parents were stopping by Sunday morning to visit before they headed down to OKC to see his sister and the doctor the next day. One thing you should know about me is that when I have company coming over I always want my house to be perfectly clean and tidy. Every time. No matter how clean my house already is, I have to work to make it perfect if I know company is coming. And if it is a wreck, then I really have tons to do. So after a crazy week of work and my husband bringing two weeks of laundry home with him earlier that week, I felt like my house was a wreck.

So here I am rushing around on Valentine's Day trying to get my house in order for my in-laws even though they were not going to be there long. Luckily I was able to get it in order (with the help of my husband... yes I think that was my Valentine's Day surprise) pretty shortly.

Sunday morning we got up and ready for church and were home by 10:30. I knew his parents would be there shortly so I decided to make some lunch and then put the last little touches on the house, making sure everything was perfect and being sure to light a few candles so that the house would smell wonderful. I almost always have candles burning, but definitely do when company is coming over.

So it was nice to see his parents as we had not seen them since the first of the year. I know they really wanted to see their son, especially since he had been gone to Kentucky for the past few weeks. Everything was going well, or so it seemed when his Mom headed off to the bathroom. She returned almost immediately and announced that Cole was "doing paperwork". Well I had to go too. So I decided that I better "light a fire" under my youngest child.

So I knocked lightly and started to push open the door when he said, "Don't come in here!"

Well when a child says that in my house, it's my cue to be sure to walk in. I opened up the door to find the bathroom wet in what seemed like every inch. The floor was wet, he was wet, his coat that lay on the floor was wet and there were wet globs of toilet paper strewn around too. There he stood with his pants around his ankles with each hand full of wet, soggy, dripping toilet paper. I kept asking, " What in the world are you doing?"

He said, "I dropped the roll in the toilet!" So I had him throw the wet paper in the trash (still with his pants around his ankles) and began to scan the room for a towel. Of course the thought of using my nice, fluffy, new towels seemed really gross so I started out the door to grab one of the old towels I keep around just for this sort of thing when I notice that he's still standing there with his pants around his ankles.

I guess I found this really irritating because I said, "Dammit Cole, pull up your pants!"

Meanwhile, I get a towel and run into Andy. At that point Cole is no longer my son. He's Andy's Son. So I quietly tell him that his son has dropped the toilet paper roll in the toilet and there's water everywhere. "Oh Boy!" is all he can muster. That's my husband.

So I get all the water cleaned up and as I am walking back into the living room where Andy's visiting with his parents it occurs to me that something is not right. I can't shake the thought that there is something more to the story of what just happened than I am seeing. And what the heck is that horrible smell. And then it hit me!

Luckily I am blessed with an honest child, if you ask the right questions. And I had not asked the right questions...YET. The guys had gone outside and it was just me and Brenda (my MIL) left visiting when Cole started through the room.

"Cole, was the toilet paper on fire before it ended up in the toilet?" I asked. He immediately ran to hug me and I knew I had guessed correctly. He began crying and showed me his thumb where he had actually burnt his thumb pretty badly. It was obvious that he was in quite a bit of pain.

He had apparently been playing with the fire and lit the toilet paper when the paper took off. He was smart enough to throw the roll in the toilet to put out the fire, which made the mess that I found. It was such a scary close call, but funny at the same time. I keep imagining flaming rolls of toilet paper flying through the air. Luckily no one was hurt (seriously that is) and nothing caught fire.

I know that Cole learned an important lesson. And I thought back to all the times when I played with candles and fire when I was a kid. It was a scary lesson. I learned a few things.

1) I am smart enough to just about always know exactly what my kids have done.
2) Cole will always tell the truth if you ask the right question.
3) The toilet is the quickest way to extinguish a flaming roll of toilet paper.
4) A flaming roll of toilet paper makes a big splash.
5) Trying to make your house perfect for your in-laws is a waste of time when you have boys.